I've decided to start doing it because recently I've gotten way serious about awakening.
I finally admitted to myself that more than money, more than fame, more than romance, more than kids or accolades or whatever - I want to be enlightened.
Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
A deep desire for enlightenment is a pretty heavy thing to have to admit to oneself.
Especially when oneself intimately knows one's own fondness for cigarettes and erotic fiction and silken beds and a mega-hot, wildly brilliant man who reminds one of a young David Bowie crossed with William Blake crossed with Lord Byron and who is just about as utterly irresistible and fully crazy-making as that chimera sounds.
Knowing all that makes one kind of feel like maybe one is way too damn lazy and selfish and lustful to ever get enlightened.
But then there it is - again and again, the longing that never goes away. The longing to wake up and be free. And also, as I learn more about Vajrayana Buddhism - I realize more fully that my essential approach to life and all of my interests have always been groping in the direction of that philosophy.
Which, internet friends, I have to tell you is kind of something majorly intense to realize. I mean, it's starting to gradually feel like my whole life and all of my various fascinations all make sense and fit together.
Of Nag Champa and Wall-to-Wall Carpet
Indeed, my life-long fascinations can all be summed up by one beautiful word that I'm kind of embarrassed even to use because it conjures naughty and pretentious pseudo-Kama Sutra images in everyone's mind: tantra.
Just saying it makes me twitch a little bit as I think of David Deida's voice echoing in new age retreat center auditoriums with wall-to-wall carpet and a bunch of dudes eager to learn how to fuck better. And I love David Deida and I also love guys interested in learning how to fuck better. But you know what I mean. There's just more to life.
Yet the Very Important Thing I've grokked recently which makes the otherwise-cloying word tantra so very beautiful to me now is that "tantra" doesn't just connote "slow sex with Nag Champa wafting from the dresser and kirtan on the stereo" (as nice as that may be!) - rather, it signifies the full use of the human imaginal capacity to generate awakening and love in a way that's rapid, direct and all-embracing.
And that's like, whoah.
So crucial for - just freaking everything. That's even better than the most Nag-Champa-redolent, bone-shaking orgasm in the world.
Getting Over Myself
So. I'll try to get over my embarrassment and just keep saying the word until it's okay with me and with you and until it no longer makes us think of musky French ticklers and jasmine-scented lube bubbling on David Deida's thighs. Tantra, tantra, tantra. I love tantra.
Dream yoga happens to be a really cool aspect of tantra. So I'm getting serious about it as part of my over-all "serious about awakening" thing which also includes my brahma-vihara practice and my year of celibacy (2013, baby) and my moving towards full time veganism via the kale diet.
I'm basing my work off of this wonderful book: The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep.
As with all habits, I do a better job of maintaining them if I blog about them. So I'll be letting you know just how my progress with retaining memory of my dreams and gaining lucidity is going. And I'll be the first one to tell you when I manage to dream-travel to ancient Tibet and have a nice long talk with Shantideva.