Posts tagged #awakening

Sacred Feminine Rising 2013 with the Grand Water Trine - also, Tidal Waves of Awesomeness and Consciousness Shift

My consciousness is very much shifting with the Grand Water Trine of 2013 into a major awakening of kundalini and the sacred feminine. grandwatertrine2013pretty

I am still deep in the wondrous throws of it.

I feel the divine feminine roaring in me big time, and see it roaring in the people all around me too.

I have a feeling that this is the actual arrival of the Age of Aquarius.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9oq_IskRIg

I've been experiencing

  • non-stop synchronicity
  • exponential psychic growth
  • prophetic states of apotheosis with the Goddess
  • an inability to enable or protect falsehood in myself and others
  • a huge sense of empowerment in my femininity combined with a flow-ness that makes it tough to navigate practical life
  • a really intense impatience with cowardice in myself and in others, especially men
  • a huge fascination with creating a new imagination of sacred alchemical chivalry
  • a giant interest in the battle to dissolve the Nothing, which I feel becoming more intense everyday

... and I've been having people from all over the world, especially women and folks who highly identify with their own feminine energy reporting the same thing.

If you've been experiencing these things, please write to me and tell me about it: carolyngraceelliott@gmail.com.

Here are some things that I believe precipitated this giant kundalini awakening / Goddess apotheosis state in me recently and in past years:

  • aspring to and then taking Bodhisattva vows / cultivating bodhicitta
  • doing intense metta and Brahmavihara practice
  • taking the Shambhala Everyday Life classes at my local Shambhala Center with Acharya Adam Lobel
  • practicing Tonglen avidly as part of my Bodhisattva / bodhicitta practice
  • studying and practicing Higher Worlds and How to Know Them by Rudolf Steiner
  • talking to Dr. Andrew Harvey of Sacred Activism about the Cosmic Christ
  • reading and practicing A Course in Miracles for many years
  • being involved in 12 step recovery also for many years
  • doing tons and tons of The Work of Byron Katie
  • re-reading Plato's Symposium recently with an erstwhile philosopher lover of mine
  • watching tons of Die Antwoord videos (they're enlightened tantric masters doing lots of shadow integration work, I've decided)
  • watching tons of Lana Del Rey and Rihanna videos (ditto as for Die Antwoord)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bag1gUxuU0g

  • doing community work with Evolver, Transition, Shambhala, the Unity Center, and the magical community in Pittsburgh in general
  • watching Baz Lurhman's The Great Gatsby (which is all about desire) and listening to the soundtrack - especially to Jay-Z's and Kanye West's No Church in the Wild which is of huge importance to me now:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJt7gNi3Nr4

  • writing my book, Awaken Your Genius
  • writing my novel, The Arcana
  • finishing my dissertation, Poetic Inquiry
  • committing to being truthful
  • getting lots of feedback on my ideas from Facebook friends - also, if you'd like to keep up with me easiest, please friend me on Facebook, that's where I do a ton of my writing these days.
  • committing to refraining from taking or coveting anything that isn't naturally mine for my life journey
  • experimenting with the Six Yogas of Naropa especially tummo meditation
  • having my very painful personal apocalypse in 2012 of getting married to a deep love of my life and then unmarried
  • undergoing alchemical transformation within that marriage / unmarriage
  • recovering from my deep despair this spring via Bodhisattva aspiration, EFT, and lots of socializing via a club I helped to found in town called Weekly Walking Club which takes long walks in all weathers on Sunday afternoons and often parties before and after.
  • talking a lot to other magical people in the Dreamer's Tantra Facebook group that I facilitate (come join us!)
  • leading a giant Summer Solstice ritual to create sacred alchemical chivalry between the masculine and feminine in all of us ona big plateau and playing the Fairy Queen Titania throughout that night
  • receiving lots of insight from very wise men including the astrologer Adam Elenbaas of Nightlight Astrology and the all-around creative dynamo Matthew Stillman of Stillman Says

 

 

And also being supported by a lot of other magical people in Pittsburgh including my dear friends

 

 

 

All of which is to say - creating and raising little Kundalini awakening Dakini Buddha Babies like myself takes a village - actually a whole damn city.

I also just realized that here in Pittsburgh, our gorgeous Three Rivers + our underground Fourth River which fuels our lovely fountain (which was recently fucked by rainbows) is itself a kind of Grand Water Trine - and probably the sacred geography has something to do with why we here in town are experiencing this shift with such marked intensity.

And I'm sure I'll have more to say about it soon - especially on Facebook - please hook up with me there if you're interested.

How about you? What's up with your shift?

Come tell me and lots of us magic people all about it in The Dreamer's Tantra.

Love and tantra,

Carolyn

Dream Yoga: I'm Starting Out

Dream yoga is a process of gaining lucidity in one's night-time dreams in order to gain lucidity in all of life - to realize at a deep level that our waking life is a dream, too.

I've decided to start doing it because recently I've gotten way serious about awakening.

I finally admitted to myself that more than money, more than fame, more than romance, more than kids or accolades or whatever - I want to be enlightened.

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

A deep desire for enlightenment is a pretty heavy thing to have to admit to oneself.

Especially when oneself intimately knows one's own fondness for cigarettes and erotic fiction and silken beds and a mega-hot, wildly brilliant man who reminds one of a young David Bowie crossed with William Blake crossed with Lord Byron and who is just about as utterly irresistible and fully crazy-making as that chimera sounds.

Knowing all that makes one kind of feel like maybe one is way too damn lazy and selfish and lustful to ever get enlightened.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5CLmflrwIA

But then there it is - again and again, the longing that never goes away.  The longing to wake up and be free. And also, as I learn more about Vajrayana Buddhism - I realize more fully that my essential approach to life and all of my interests have always been groping in the direction of that philosophy.

Which, internet friends, I have to tell you is kind of something majorly intense to realize.  I mean, it's starting to gradually feel like my whole life and all of my various fascinations all make sense and fit together.

Of Nag Champa and Wall-to-Wall Carpet

Indeed, my life-long fascinations can all be summed up by one beautiful word that I'm kind of embarrassed even to use because it conjures naughty and pretentious pseudo-Kama Sutra images in everyone's mind: tantra.

Just saying it makes me twitch a little bit as I think of David Deida's voice echoing in new age retreat center auditoriums with wall-to-wall carpet and a bunch of dudes eager to learn how to fuck better.  And I love David Deida and I also love guys interested in learning how to fuck better. But you know what I mean. There's just more to life.

Yet the Very Important Thing I've grokked recently which makes the otherwise-cloying word tantra so very beautiful to me now is that "tantra" doesn't just connote "slow sex with Nag Champa wafting from the dresser and kirtan on the stereo" (as nice as that may be!) - rather, it signifies the full use of the human imaginal capacity to generate awakening and love in a way that's rapid, direct and all-embracing.

And that's like, whoah.

So crucial for - just freaking everything.  That's even better than the most Nag-Champa-redolent, bone-shaking orgasm in the world.

Getting Over Myself

So.  I'll try to get over my embarrassment and just keep saying the word until it's okay with me and with you and until it no longer makes us think of musky French ticklers and jasmine-scented lube bubbling on David Deida's thighs.  Tantra, tantra, tantra.  I love tantra.

Dream yoga happens to be a really cool aspect of tantra. So I'm getting serious about it as part of my over-all "serious about awakening" thing which also includes my brahma-vihara practice and my year of celibacy (2013, baby) and my moving towards full time veganism via the kale diet.

I'm basing my work off of this wonderful book: The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep.

As with all habits, I do a better job of maintaining them if I blog about them. So I'll be letting you know just how my progress with retaining memory of my dreams and gaining lucidity is going.  And I'll be the first one to tell you when I manage to dream-travel to ancient Tibet and have a nice long talk with Shantideva.

 

image: [wonderlane]

Posted on January 24, 2013 and filed under Dream Yoga.

Make Cool Stuff, Not Art

Dear Reader, Let me be clear: I respect art and artists. But me and many of my friends freeze up when we set out to make "art." The very word triggers all kinds of threatening associations and judgments: standards of quality based on other people's taste, rules, questions of fashionableness and style.  In other words, the word "art" can send us to the demonic forgery of Doubt, deep in the harrowing mountain fortress of Not Enoughness, where our shackles are made.

For this reason, I'm a strong proponent of making cool stuff, not art, as a route to creative awakening.

Wherein My Snob Brain Makes Me Miserable

My Snob Brain is the part of me that convincingly reasons that nothing is worth doing unless it is guaranteed to rocket me into the ranks of the luminaries.

For a long time I considered myself a blocked poet-- I could write poetry (indeed, I wrote two books of the stuff this past year), but only in bursts, not every day.  And I never felt really nurtured and only rarely deeply delighted by what I wrote, even when it garnered me recognition and prizes.

Whenever I would sit down to write poetry I'd be working to create something which would be legible to others as insightful, beautiful, valuable.  This led to me feeling frustrated, resentful, crazy.

One day I realized that while there are poems I love very much, and even some I have memorized, my most favorite lines of wonderful words actually aren't from poems at all-- they're song lyrics.

The snob in me can tell you that the lyrics to the songs I most love are really not dazzling poetic masterpieces.  A lot of them are overwrought and corny-- for example, please check the lyrics of my favorite ballad ever, Total Eclipse of the Heart, and see if they don't strike you as rather turgidly purple.

But the thing is, I love them.  They've given me a lot more pleasure over the years than "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."

Singin' a Song

I've discovered recently that it gives me great joy to make up a tune while I'm walking down the street (I walk a lot-- about 4 miles a day) and to put words to it that don't particularly make much sense.  I sing these songs into the voice recorder on my phone so I can save them for later development and enjoyment. My latest is called "The Nothing Eats The Nothing" and the words go something like this:

The tangle in the ivy / The striping in the bark / The nothing eats the nothing eats the now

The rubies at the dawning / The walking in the park / The nothing eats the nothing eats the now

The last time that I saw you / The striving in the dark / The nothing eats the nothing eats the now

I can promise you that Poetry magazine would not print "The Nothing Eats The Nothing," and I can also tell you that making it up and singing it makes me very happy.

It makes sense to me that I derive great pleasure from making up songs-- an activity that doesn't qualify as "art" in my Snob Brain -- because many self-taught visionaries who make cool stuff via attention to their own intuitive voices tend not to consider what they make "art."

The tough thing about using my energy to make up neat songs, though, is that it takes time and energy away from my old ego project of getting prestige through poetry, i.e., winning the Nobel Prize in Literature by whatever means necessary.

You may not share my particular prestige hang up, but you still might be declining to follow your playful impulses to make cool stuff because whatever those impulses are and whatever it is they want to do doesn't fit in with your ego's rational plan for life success.

Why My Snob Brain Hates Singin' a Song

Songwriting very much does not fit into my ego's rational plan for life success.  Here's why:

1) I can't play an instrument, unless you count the tambourine-- and even that's sorta iffy.

2) I can't read or write music.

3) My voice is okay but quite untrained.

4) So many people out there have been music-making since they were 5 and are better than me in all respects.

Nonetheless, I have this extra-rational impulse to spend time making up songs.  Despite all the strikes against me, I trust that if I follow this impulse and allow it to bring things forward into manifestation then something-- though goodness knows what-- will come out of it.  Indeed, I already notice myself feeling more and more like a visionary all the time.

What cool stuff could you make today?

Love,

Carolyn

Image Credit: Photo "heart-on-a-stick" by dev null, borrowed from Flickr under Creative Commons licensing.

 

Posted on March 27, 2011 and filed under Creativity.