Posts tagged #tantra

3 Things I Learned about Orgasm and Life at OneTaste's OMX 2013 in San Francisco

In early August I attended the first OMX 2013 in San Francisco.  I went because I've been involved with the Orgasmic Meditation ("OM" for short) community in my hometown of Pittsburgh and my experience has been so helpful and transformative that I knew I for sure wanted to be at OMX, the first-ever OM conference. Woman s Hand Squeezing Bed Sheet


(A brief description of OM, from OneTaste.)

(I like to think of OM as an important Tantric technology for this modern age. )

Here's what I learned about orgasm (in OM parlance, "orgasm" means "sexual pleasure, energy" not just the contractions of sexual climax) and myself at OMX.

#1 OMX Discovery: I can be totally orgasmic and totally miserable at the same time

So get this - I had planned to show up at OMX all super-powerful and charming and sexy.

Instead, right before I left for San Francisco a man I care about a lot, The Taoist Punk Rock Sage (we'll just call him the Sage for short) rejected my flirtatious advances with a flat "not interested." And I let this "not interested" diminish my all-powerful-sexy-super-woman glow.

Also, my period started.  And I realized I was nearly out of all monetary funds. BUMMER.

And for some unfathomable reason, I decided not to sleep the night before my flight.

So I showed up at OMX as a super-tired, teary, highly-distraught, love-lorn hormonal mess.  And I proceeded on that way throughout the weekend.

I wandered through most of the conference - including the very large group OM sessions - completely miserable, brimming with self-pity, and full of incredible resentment towards all the people appearing to feel super-powerful and charming and sexy while I felt like a bleeding, rejected, unloveable, broke-ass pile of snot.


(There were group OMs in a giant auditorium. 1000 pairs OMing at once. No lie. It was intense. I was there. I sobbed pitiably through a lot of it. Rad.)

I felt super-vulnerable while lost in the shuffle of sexy fun time.

I kept trying to force myself to feel awesome and take control of my conference jolly fun time - and failing dramatically.

Happily, on Saturday night a perceptive and compassionate OneTaste staff person (I'll just call her the Angel) caught me looking fully freaked and sat me down and talked to me and brought in more people to talk to me and basically Made It All Way Better.

Somewhere in the conversation with her and the other folks listening to me sob - I heard the phrase, "That's okay. Cry it out. Tears are just the orgasm coming out of your eyes."

Which is a really, really weird sentence.

And it made total sense.

And it helped.  As I understand it - in OneTaste, there's this wisdom that it's possible to have lots of sexual energy in your body - a state they call "tumescence" - and to be in a state of rejecting oneself or the world while feeling all this energy - and in that condition, the tumescence feels like giant teary misery.

Suddenly I understood my whole life way better.

I'm learning that one of the major things that OM helps with and that OneTaste teaches is that it's possible to work with that condition of tumescence so as to experience it as pleasure and creative power rather than as negative emotion or overly-inflated addictive highs.

#2 OMX Discovery: My pussy can alchemically turn my misery into hot fun

OMing is all about being present to sensation and connection.

At OMX, I met a lover and an OM partner who's had over 18 months of experience with OMing with various women multiple times a day.  So he's an experienced stroker compared to the partners I usually work with in Pittsburgh.

And like, for reals  - I helped this man fold his collection of pussy towels (that's what I call the little hand towels used to tidy up fluids after an OM session) - and this pussy towel-folding process took over an hour.  That's a lot of pussy towels.


(Innocent hand towel - or pussy towel? You decide.)



Seriously though - this man - we'll call him the Ranger - and his experience impressed me a great deal.  He was utterly present with me, extremely empathic, and still managed to take none of my whiny bullshit.  It was - simply put, astounding.

The only other man who had ever communicated so well with me was - well, my dear friend from Pittsburgh who OMs and is doing miracles to create the community here. We'll call that great friend the Communicator for now - since he's just so damn good at it.

The Ranger ended up showing me that I can allow all my feelings - including my unpleasant ones - to be fully present in my body while I'm being stroked - and that when I do that, I can end up feeling profoundly touched and deeply connected.

When I OMed with him, he kept insisting that I go ahead and cry if I felt like crying - that I let myself feel all my anger and frustration.

And I did.

And damn - I came really, really, really hard.

Like, climax is not a goal of the OM practice. And I usually don't experience it during a session.  But in really letting go into feeling the sensation of those sucky emotions that I often fight hard to avoid - some alchemical transmutation happened and all that misery converted into hot, electric, connected pleasure.

This was a major lesson for me - I've since repeated that letting-go in other OM sessions and have had similarly hot results. I never knew I could do that before - feel my misery with my pussy and have it turn into hotness and connection.

It's a revelation and it's unlocked a new level of sex for me that I didn't really know existed.

So thank you, Ranger.

#3 OMX Discovery:  OM generates super-powers in people who do it a lot overtime

So for a time I thought maybe it was just a freak coincidence that my friend the Communicator was really good at tuning into me and listening to me and being present with me.

And I thought maybe it was also just a freak coincidence that I had a giant Kundalini awakening and a huge increase in my psychic perception and general ability to attract synchronicity soon after I started OMing.

And then I met a bunch of people at OMX and in the Bay Area OM communities the week after OMX... and discovered that many people who have been involved in the practice for a while have uncanny magic powers.

Like giant amounts of empathy and psychic perceptiveness.

Not to mention that they tend to offer a quality of deep, penetrating conversational attention that's extraordinarily rare and wonderful.

One man in particular, we'll just call him the Alchemist -  stunned me with how rapidly he saw into and spoke to me of depths of myself that almost no one tends to perceive - or if they do, they don't voice it.  Especially not within a brief time of meeting me.

The Alchemist told me things about myself within 15 minutes of me talking to him that were utterly true and that I usually keep in close reserve or just don't expect anyone to notice.

It was hot.

So basically what I'm trying to say is that I really want every man and woman in the world to have access to Orgasmic Meditation and to the communication wisdom that OneTaste teaches.  Because it goes a long, long way towards creating connection where only frustration existed before.

In Conclusion

My experience at OMX 2013 was messy, intense, and ultimately  sexy and astounding and loving and  magical at a level that it couldn't have shown me if I had shown up in perfect control.

I'm looking forward to learning much more about how to surrender and transmute in this practice -- and to becoming more deeply connected in this community.

I hear there's another OMX planned for December - and I plan to be there.

How about you?

Yay for orgasm. ;)




Posted on August 29, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

Sacred Feminine Rising 2013 with the Grand Water Trine - also, Tidal Waves of Awesomeness and Consciousness Shift

My consciousness is very much shifting with the Grand Water Trine of 2013 into a major awakening of kundalini and the sacred feminine. grandwatertrine2013pretty

I am still deep in the wondrous throws of it.

I feel the divine feminine roaring in me big time, and see it roaring in the people all around me too.

I have a feeling that this is the actual arrival of the Age of Aquarius.


I've been experiencing

  • non-stop synchronicity
  • exponential psychic growth
  • prophetic states of apotheosis with the Goddess
  • an inability to enable or protect falsehood in myself and others
  • a huge sense of empowerment in my femininity combined with a flow-ness that makes it tough to navigate practical life
  • a really intense impatience with cowardice in myself and in others, especially men
  • a huge fascination with creating a new imagination of sacred alchemical chivalry
  • a giant interest in the battle to dissolve the Nothing, which I feel becoming more intense everyday

... and I've been having people from all over the world, especially women and folks who highly identify with their own feminine energy reporting the same thing.

If you've been experiencing these things, please write to me and tell me about it:

Here are some things that I believe precipitated this giant kundalini awakening / Goddess apotheosis state in me recently and in past years:

  • aspring to and then taking Bodhisattva vows / cultivating bodhicitta
  • doing intense metta and Brahmavihara practice
  • taking the Shambhala Everyday Life classes at my local Shambhala Center with Acharya Adam Lobel
  • practicing Tonglen avidly as part of my Bodhisattva / bodhicitta practice
  • studying and practicing Higher Worlds and How to Know Them by Rudolf Steiner
  • talking to Dr. Andrew Harvey of Sacred Activism about the Cosmic Christ
  • reading and practicing A Course in Miracles for many years
  • being involved in 12 step recovery also for many years
  • doing tons and tons of The Work of Byron Katie
  • re-reading Plato's Symposium recently with an erstwhile philosopher lover of mine
  • watching tons of Die Antwoord videos (they're enlightened tantric masters doing lots of shadow integration work, I've decided)
  • watching tons of Lana Del Rey and Rihanna videos (ditto as for Die Antwoord)


  • doing community work with Evolver, Transition, Shambhala, the Unity Center, and the magical community in Pittsburgh in general
  • watching Baz Lurhman's The Great Gatsby (which is all about desire) and listening to the soundtrack - especially to Jay-Z's and Kanye West's No Church in the Wild which is of huge importance to me now:


  • writing my book, Awaken Your Genius
  • writing my novel, The Arcana
  • finishing my dissertation, Poetic Inquiry
  • committing to being truthful
  • getting lots of feedback on my ideas from Facebook friends - also, if you'd like to keep up with me easiest, please friend me on Facebook, that's where I do a ton of my writing these days.
  • committing to refraining from taking or coveting anything that isn't naturally mine for my life journey
  • experimenting with the Six Yogas of Naropa especially tummo meditation
  • having my very painful personal apocalypse in 2012 of getting married to a deep love of my life and then unmarried
  • undergoing alchemical transformation within that marriage / unmarriage
  • recovering from my deep despair this spring via Bodhisattva aspiration, EFT, and lots of socializing via a club I helped to found in town called Weekly Walking Club which takes long walks in all weathers on Sunday afternoons and often parties before and after.
  • talking a lot to other magical people in the Dreamer's Tantra Facebook group that I facilitate (come join us!)
  • leading a giant Summer Solstice ritual to create sacred alchemical chivalry between the masculine and feminine in all of us ona big plateau and playing the Fairy Queen Titania throughout that night
  • receiving lots of insight from very wise men including the astrologer Adam Elenbaas of Nightlight Astrology and the all-around creative dynamo Matthew Stillman of Stillman Says



And also being supported by a lot of other magical people in Pittsburgh including my dear friends




All of which is to say - creating and raising little Kundalini awakening Dakini Buddha Babies like myself takes a village - actually a whole damn city.

I also just realized that here in Pittsburgh, our gorgeous Three Rivers + our underground Fourth River which fuels our lovely fountain (which was recently fucked by rainbows) is itself a kind of Grand Water Trine - and probably the sacred geography has something to do with why we here in town are experiencing this shift with such marked intensity.

And I'm sure I'll have more to say about it soon - especially on Facebook - please hook up with me there if you're interested.

How about you? What's up with your shift?

Come tell me and lots of us magic people all about it in The Dreamer's Tantra.

Love and tantra,


How to be an Optimist: See Life as a Dream

A young man wrote to me about his own pessimism (co-occuring with a scientific attitude toward life) and asked me what spurs on my optimism.  I wrote this reply:

Optimism and Transcendentalism

I guess a long time ago in my philosophical searchings I examined the kind of scientific materialist attitude you seem to be describing and.... utterly rejected it. I'm a transcendentalist - which means I see the world and everything in it (including my own self) as a kind of deep holographic dream projected by "my" consciousness (I put "my" it quotes because it's "mine" in the sense that I can make choices that influence it, but it's not mine in the sense that there ultimately is no me since "Carolyn" is just another part of the dream.... sorry if that's hard to follow, it gets a little complex).

Changing the Dream

The reason all this transcendentalism adds up to optimism is this: if everything is a dream, then it can change from a terrible dream into a beautiful dream. Whether the dream is beautiful or terrible depends on what angle of light, or motivation, I'm sending through the hologram projector (my brain). If I'm sending the self-centered motivation of gathering up pleasure and security and power just for myself, then I'm going to be faced with a hologram of an utterly ugly, difficult, barren and horrible world. I'll be in endless conflict with the people around me. I'll be miserable. I've spent years living in that "reality" and it's awful. I've also dipped down into that recently - I was hugely depressed and suicidal. I had lost my way and wound myself into a big mess of compassionless horror.

Generating Awake-heart aka Bodhicitta

On the other hand, I've found that if I'm sending the other-cherishing motivation of being committed to bringing all creatures into happiness (i.e., non-attached and unending bliss, freedom from addiction and craving) and I'm willing to project limitless loving-kindness (i.e., deliberately being willing to love and wish happiness for people I don't like and resent, being willing to delight in their triumphs and to work to spare them from pain)...

...well, then the hologram becomes beautiful, synchronous, full of joy and meaning and connection.

Life becomes easy and I find I can fulfill my basic needs and my big aspirations without much worry. I mean, there are still so many challenges - but the challenges are fascinating instead of frightening. It's not like hunger and war and tragedy and sickness and misfortune disappear from the dream - but they don't oppress me in the same way. Instead there's a light within me that is willing to take responsibility for healing all that pain in the world and in myself.

And ultimately, I think, this process of lightening and en-blissening just goes on and on until the dream becomes very transparent and dissolves entirely, leaving the consciousness in Nirvana or the Kingdom of Heaven or what-have-you.

My optimism is essentially this: that it's possible for everyone, including myself, to dwell in ecstatic happiness, and that there are things I can do to bring that about... and the very process of working to bring this about is incredibly fulfilling and fun. It's basically Mahayana / Vajranya Buddhism but I like to spice it up by thinking a lot about Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

I don't know if those are flavors of Buddhism that you've investigated, but I sure love them. I've also been influenced strongly by Ralph Waldo Emerson and Don Miguel Ruiz and Byron Katie.

Man, I could go on and on. I'm sure I've used some shorthand in explaining this that doesn't make sense and sounds very fluffy. But I assure you, it all makes razor-sharp sense in my mind.



image: [seyed mostafa zamani]

Guest post!


Dear fabulous writer,


Awesome Your Life gets 1,500 new readers a month! Whoah! I want to spread the happy, so I've been thinking that I'd love to start publishing great guest posts here on Awesome Your Life.


My readers are interested in personal and societal evolution and in the "dreamy side of life"-- so any thoughtful essays / how-to's that you've got that has to do with dreams, higher consciousness, astrology, myth, theater, ritual, neo-shamanism, tantra, positive thinking, psychic phenomenon, self-improvement, societal change, holistic health, online entrepreneurship, gift economy, tarot, creativity, etc. would be totally welcome.  It's fine with me if the article has already appeared on your own blog. I'm all for syndication.


Please go ahead and send me your post a long with a brief bio in the body of an email to sweetsongofjoy at gmail dot com. Let the piece be between 500 - 1000 words. I'll get back to you promptly to let you know if your post will be a perfect fit.


Love! Carolyn