I Know Why
I know why you’re depressed. I know why you’re struggling. I know why your feel angry, unseen, unknown, unvalued, unwanted. I know why you feel like you have to fight every day to make a living and stay above water. I know why some days you feel like you’re drowning.
I know why you get into relationships with people who touch you so deeply with their wonder and then burn you so badly with their selfishness. I know why you can’t reach sexual ecstasy and why you find it so hard to relax.
I know why the whole thing isn’t working.
What gives me this prescient knowledge? Am I psychic? Well, yes, a bit—but really I’ve just realized the truth of the matter for myself and I’ve seen clearly that what is true in my own deepest heart is true for you, too.
So I also know that none of the mess is your fault. None of it is because you’re deficient or you’re not wise or smart enough. None of it is because you’re not energetic or clever or sexy enough. It’s not because you’ve failed or gone wrong in any way.
Yet though none of it is your fault, you are the only one who can make it better. And you can do that—make it wildly, incredibly, soul-swellingly better.
So if none of the mess is your fault, what’s going on? Why does this stuff suck so much? Why is life so unbelievably hard in so many ways? Where is all this stuckness and suffering coming from?
Before I tell you my answer, I need you to slow down. I need you to take some really deep breaths—and not pansy deep breaths, either. Take giant, hearty, full-bodied deep breaths. I need you to really let this sink in for awhile: none of it is your fault.
You are innocent, completely and totally. Breathe in that truth for a moment: just be with it It’s not you. Not your fault. You are 100% absolved. You are 100% perfect.
Okay. So what’s the problem? What’s going on?
It’s this: you’re a love healer and you haven’t been shown how to own and take full responsibility for your talents because our culture doesn’t understand or respect love healing (although it needs it desperately).
When you know how to take full possession of your genius for love healing, when you know how to see and revere yourself for your amazing power, when you know how to deploy that power in your own life and in the lives of everyone around you, you will:
- No longer be depressed
- —you’ll be joyous.
- No longer struggle to make ends meet
- – you’ll be fully supported.
- No longer be unseen or unknown
- – you’ll shine like a beacon.
- No longer have painful relationships
- – you’ll experience rich harmony.
How Do I Know This?
I gained these insights by working through a 7-week course which I designed to be a kind of next generation of The Artist’s Way– it's called Awesome Your Life: The Antidote to Suffering Genius. the course put me and many others in touch with our innate genius and lifted us out of creative misery. You can find its first few chapters here. That course contains some of the same wisdom I teach here and also a series of experiments that lead you through 7 steps of the mythic journey.
Working through the Antidote to Suffering Genius course put me in touch with my own genius for love healing (which had long caused me suffering because I repressed and denied it) and gave me the intuitive power to see and foster the same genius in others. In the series of posts you're reading now, I share with you directly the knowledge that came to me about the genius for love healing—what it means, and how it works. I offer this to you now as a kind of concentrated dose of wisdom which can use to stimulate your own inherent power to awesome your life.
You may find that working through The Antidote to Suffering Genius course for yourself is a wonderful way to supplement, process, and expand the truth I'm explaining here. You also might find that the present work is all you need for your awesoming to commence.
Your History as an Oppressed Love Healer
Do you feel some doubt about the notion that you’re a love healer? Does that sound too good to be true or too fluffy and weird to be true? Or both? And “love healer”—what does that even mean, anyway?
I can answer these doubts and questions only by inviting you to think back to your very earliest memories. Think back to when you were a very little child playing with other little kids, being with your family. When did you feel the most alive, the most powerful, the most free and glorious and delighted?
I bet it was while you were loving someone or something (a person, a plant, an animal, a doll, a building, a group of friends, a patch of nature) and that someone or something responded to your love by becoming more beautiful, more strong, more whole, more vibrant, more wise. In other words, it wasn’t just the act of loving that brought you joy (although that is wondrous in itself), it was witnessing the miraculous power of your love to positively affect and uplift what you directed it toward.
Put simply, I bet you felt best when you were healing with the power of your love. Healing in the sense that I use it in this book doesn’t just mean fixing something that’s sick or broken. It means raising something up to a higher level of order, beauty, and wholeness. In other words, “healing” means “evolving” not just “fixing.”
Now think about all your time in school. Were you ever offered a time and a place to practice this art of healing with love that brought you so much joy and aliveness? Were you ever encouraged and applauded, given an A+ for the magnificence your love brought forth? Were you ever given compassionate guidance and help in amplifying and focusing the power of your love healing? Were you ever taught techniques for using it on yourself to heal your own wounds?
If you are like most of us who grew up in Western culture, the answer to these questions is “no.” So what happened instead? Your skill for love healing, which brought you so much happiness was completely ignored by your teachers. It was something that you were only free to do at play time—something that you were taught didn’t “count” towards your success in life.
Did this happen to you? Was your love healing gift taken for granted, treated as unimportant and unlikely to bring you reward? Was it glossed over with condescension and never taken seriously?
If yes, then your deepest source of power and joy was not nurtured. Something sacred and stunning and core to your being was gravely insulted by your education. To put it starkly, you were robbed.
How Our Present System of Education Generates Self-Destruction
At school they taught you to read and write, do science and math, understand history and maybe some other skills. But they took away (ignored, smothered, insulted) the core talent which all these other skills are only meant to serve: your ability to heal with love.
This is why you’re suffering. This is why you had or have an eating disorder. This is why you cut yourself. This is why you made suicide attempts and why you’ve done drugs.
You self-destructed in these ways because our society (represented in your childhood by the school system) did not in the least bit value, nurture, acknowledge or celebrate your magnificent, essential gift for healing with love.
Your mother and father didn’t adequately protect you from the assault and devaluing that happened to you at school. They may have ever perpetuated it at home. Why? Because the same violence had been done to them. They had lost touch with their own power of love healing.
Think: how joyful and free were your mother and father? How centered and grounded and calm were they? Did they impress you as people with full sovereignty and strength, or were they individuals scarred by shame and self-doubt, by insecurity and misery which they handed down to you?
So why did your teachers do this to you? Again, the same answer: it was done to them. They had suffered the same insulting, ignoring and devaluing and didn’t know how to offer you anything other than what they had received. Our society has been skewed and violent and messed up in this way (and maybe 1000 other ways) for a long, long time. There may have only been a handful of cultures on the face of the earth that ever properly valued and nurtured love power.
So what am I saying? In brief, I’m saying that your life is so difficult and you find it so hard to be happy because at your depths you are a love healer. Whatever it is that you prefer to love and whatever medium you use to express your love (we’ll talk more about this later), you are a love healer. You are a love healer in a society that completely devalues, mistreats, and fails to understand love healing.
Everyone Asks for Everything Other than the Love They Want
Let’s talk for a moment about what this means for you today. We already talked about how very tough stuff became when you were a little child. So what’s happening right now?
You’re in some institution of higher education. Or maybe you’re working now. Or maybe you’re out of work. What are you doing with your time? It could be just about anything: designing movie sets, waiting tables, teaching yoga, doing research, caring for children. Whatever it is you’re doing, people pretend that they don’t want your love healing, they want you to do a specific service:
Get the food to the table
Make the movie set
Teach me a back bend
Keep the kids safe and fed
Produce new academic knowledge
Or any other thing. There’s a rule in our society: you’re allowed to ask for, expect, and buy tangible goods and services.
But you know what? Beyond the very basics, most people don’t really want goods or services at all. What they really want is to be loved, to be healed and evolved by love. And that’s what they really want from you—love healing. But in our society (I like to call it the mad world) there’s a profound taboo: you are never allowed to ask for, receive, or benefit from love healing.
So people never ask you for your love healing, even though that’s what they’re really craving from you (the taboo against asking or receiving love healing is so deep that the vast majority of people don’t even know that that’s what they really want and are looking for).
So because no one knows how to ask for or receive your love healing, they ask you for other things. Actually, they don’t just ask, they demand. And these demands can get very loud and very mean. You hear messages all the time (spoken or unspoken) like:
- This set design isn’t good enough
- This dissertation isn’t up to standard
- You’re not a brilliant yoga teacher
- You’re not doing a good enough job with the kids
On and on. People find things to criticize you about or demand from you endlessly. You get fired, or let go. Or you push yourself really hard to meet all their demands and you end up on the floor in a ball, heaving and crying because nothing you do is ever good enough for them.
This is what’s happening: everyone who comes into contact with you senses subconsciously that you are a profoundly amazing love healer. But you don’t know that consciously and neither do they. So they ask you for a zillion other things, whatever they can think of. And since you’re broke and trying to make ends meet you run around going nuts trying to jump through the hoops, meet the specifications, be up to snuff, win the race—get the pay check, the job, the fellowship, stay afloat. This makes you feel frayed, frantic, miserable. You don’t feel loved or loving—so you’re not offering love with your work. You’re just trying to get by and hoping that they don’t completely devour you.
You don’t feel you have much motivation for doing anything, even things you at one time really liked doing. Why? When the people you trusted devalued you as a love healer, they cut out your fundamental motivation for doing anything, for relating or for creating They struck a very deep blow against the core of your self.
So you feel miserable. The people demanding stuff of you feel miserable. The taboo against ask for, receiving, or celebrating love healing persists.
Sounds grim, right? Look around and you see this everywhere in your own life and among your friends. This is abuse. This is wrong. This needs to change. But how?
The Deep Change
Well, it starts with one person. You.
One person who is willing to completely own, value, cultivate, celebrate and revere her own talent as a love healer. One person who is willing to revere and celebrate the same talent in other people. One person who is willing to offer her real gifts with no apologies. Who is willing to stop trying to jump through hoops of false demands and instead stand in her strength and give people just what they are really asking for from her: love, radiant love.
The more you do this—offer your love gift freely and support others in offering theirs—the faster the fire of love will spread and the quicker our culture will heal. You will free others from the taboo. You will free them to appreciate and value you at your depths. Gradually, you feel much less confused and threatened when people seem to be making demands of you or criticizing you because you know what they’re really trying to do: ask you for love healing.
I want you now to imagine a world where every child’s talent for love healing is nurtured to the utmost—where it is cherished and cultivated and applauded.
And I want you to realize that you’re not miserable because you’re not good enough at what you do. You’re miserable because you’re not grounded and centered in the deep knowledge of who you are.
Think about it—if you felt totally seen, known, cherished, valued as a love healer, wouldn’t you….
- Feel relaxed?
- Enjoy whatever you’re doing more?
- Feel brimming with inspiration for grand ways
- that you could offer your love to the
- Love making stuff?
- Love everyone around you, and yourself a whole
- lot more?
A Big Vision
So here’s my vision for you: you are fully seen, known, celebrated and valued as a love healer—first by yourself and gradually by others who are inspired by your knowledge. You express your love healing in the world in a way that perfectly delights and strengthens you. You are richly rewarded for your love healing in wealth and honor. You see the world evolve, within your lifetime, into something radically different and radically better—thanks in part to the love you shared.
I want you to know this:
- You are a love healer.
- Just you being in the world makes everything
- way better.
- Your value is immeasurable and crucial to the
- survival of our world.
- You deserve to be richly supported just for being.
- You deserve all respect and all beauty and
- In a just society, you would be richly supported
- just for your very being.
We can make this happen. Stay tuned for ideas on just how.