Posts filed under Uncategorized

The Nonduality of Magic

I've figured out something that not a whole lot of magic folks love to hear about. Well, the first part everyone does love to hear about. It's this: when you open your heart and mind and turn on your joy and gratitude, the universe will offer you beautiful synchronicities that fulfill your deepest desires for romance, beauty, and fun.

Excellent, right?

Yeah, except you follow the nudgings of those magical synchronicities, receive their boons, and you discover that you're not actually being lead onto Easy Peachy Street where everything is always gorgeous and your relationships are lovely and your sense of social respectability is fully unchallenged and you get a pile of diamond necklaces dumped on your doorstep ala The Secret.

diamond necklace

diamond necklace

 (The diamond necklaces you as a magic person are not about to receive at your address on Easy Peachy Street)

Instead, it's been my experience and the experience of many of the magic people I know (and friends, through the wonders of the interwebs I know them of all ages, genders, and from all locales on the planet) that those synchronous sirens of wondrousness very often perplexingly lead you not to unending Peachiness but rather into the dissolution of all your good reputation, the ending of long-held friendships, the dismantlement of your personal property, and occasionally the mad house.

Well, fuck.

Magical synchronistic fulfillment of your desires isn't sounding so rad anymore, is it?

I didn't think so.

Except, here's the thing: it is still really, really super rad.

How magic is still rad

It's super rad because even though magic doesn't lead you to Peachiness, it does lead you to the experiential awareness of truth. And that's actually the only thing we really want. I know it doesn't seem like the experiential awareness of ultimate truth is all that you really want on days when you're walking around thinking "I really want to make out with so-and-so but he / she / it doesn't like me the way I like he / she / it and all I want is some hotness in my life that so much to ask?!" but... trust me it is.


What this experiential truth is - well, that's hard to put into words. It's all gooey and truth-y, and you really need to taste it for yourself to get the gist. We can call it "nondual awakening" for short, though, since that's the current fashionable term and it's pretty handy.

Basically, it's this: "you" exist only as a feature of an undulating oneness that constantly manifests as all phenomenon, and "you" are totally not in control of anything. Not even "your" own thoughts or actions. They never were "yours" - just the ceaseless play of emptiness dancing as form.

Hey hey hey hey wait wait wait now - isn't practicing magic all about being in control? Taking hold of the reigns of one's Destiny? Digging the speeding silver spurs into the Steed of Good Fortune and riding that bucking stallion off into the Sunset of Getting What I Goddamn Want? Doesn't the end-game of this put me on an all-expense paid Carnival Alaska Cruise Ship voyage with Esther Hicks and many other nice, clean, people with money?

Not exactly.

Here's the thing: when you first start to practice magicking up synchronicity, it does feel like "you" are in more control. But that's pretty much just the universe's way of getting way massive LOLZ.



(This kitteh is an official representative of the universe and thinks you're cute)

The Tricksy Way Magic Works:

As far as I can presently tell, this is how magic works to wake us up:

1. When we (often by accident) find the astounding, synchronous, beautiful, magical fulfillment of our desires happening, we are confronted with the realization that there's an intimate relationship between our "internal" landscape of thought, imagination, and emotion and the "external" world.  We start to intuit that this world is a lot more dream-like than solid.

2. As we are confronted with this wonderful and eerie realization, we usually start trying a lot harder to decide precisely what manifests in the dream. (If you're anything like me - this means primarily: Prince Charming.)  We double-down on spells, Vision Boards, healings, visualizations, mantras, affirmations, and just about anything else we can think up that might give us a little bit more leverage over controlling what appears in the dream we're dreaming.



(Through all this Vision Board stuff I actually did succeed once in marrying a guy who - no joke - looked exactly like Prince Charming  right down to the red cape, awesome blond head of hair and sexy, sexxxy tights. Our Rustic Country Wedding in October was like a dream that Pinterest wakes up from all hot, wet, and slippery. And... our relationship produced a vortex of pain that nearly killed me. All of that lead me to take bodhisattva vows. My Prince Charming ex is now one of my dear friends -  turns out he's pretty great as a pal and listens with immense patience to my nondual ramblings - so it's all cool. And that's magic, folks!)

3. We succeed in manifesting precisely what we have asked for (whoah baby! epic winning!), and gradually discover that it creates a maddening Vortex of Pain (see above parenthetical lengthy caption regarding The Prince Charming Experiment executed by yours, truly).

4. Within this Vortex of Pain we become desperate for divine help and willing to contemplate the notion that perhaps we have absolutely no control, that maybe the universe is magicking us and not the other way around. Hmmmmmmmm.

5. Rinse, repeat - indefinitely.

6. Wake up to the reality of our nonvolitional, nondual existence. "Deeds are done but there is no do-er." - Buddha aka Dude Who Knew What Was UP.

7. Realize that you still (nonvolitionally) have a personality and want to write blog posts (throw punk shows, make video art, raise children, write songs, cook dinners, protest fascism, etc. fill in the blank). Do so. TA DA!

So, in short: yes, magic works.

Yes, conjuring your desires and following amazing synchronicities is a great idea and will ultimately lead you to just where you need to be.

And no, your ego probably will not like much of it.  At all. Yay!

Posted on February 7, 2014 and filed under Uncategorized.

TheDelight of Non-Volition

Do you think you have free will? Most of us do. It's a rather pervasive belief amongst humans, I've noticed. Well - what if you didn't? And what if that was like, super great? In my last essay I talked about sacred outlook, which is a magical practice that's reputed to very efficiently lead to enlightenment and at the very least, in my own personal experience makes life way more fun.

Sacred outlook is actually just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from straight-up nondual perception. In Tibetan Buddhism, sacred outlook is part of the tantric path, which is one rung below the "pathless path" of nondual contemplation known as Dzogchen ("The Great Perfection").  Nondual contemplation is considered the highest, quickest, and most difficult route to awakening.

The past few weeks I've been spending a lot of time reading about Dzogchen, because - Capricorn that I am - if something is the fastest, best, and most difficult I absolutely must know all about it and do it!

Well, bummer for me - turns out traditional Dzogchen practice requires the reception of an official transmission from an enlightened guru which are in slightly short supply on the Southside of Pittsburgh where I reside.  Of course the amazing Buddha Brats folks are happy to tell you how to do naughty, naughty guru-less Dzogchen if you're into it. And I am.  Also, if you'd like to read a scholarly discussion of Dzogchen (and who wouldn't?), you should definitely check out Secret of the Vajra World by Reginald Ray.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, nondual contemplation in the Dzogchen tradition is slippery business, and I was finding it hard to get into.

The Union of Compassion and Emptiness

But while googling "the union of compassion and emptiness" (like you do) I came across this really neat, thoughtful and exhaustive site on nondual thought, A Course in Consciousness, by Stanley Sobottka, who is a bald and rather serious-looking fellow who happens to be an Emeritus Professor of Physics at the University of Virginia (i.e., not a no-good slacker hippie slouch like me and my friends who sit around giving each other half-assed explanations of quantum mechanics primarily in order to help us justify to ourselves our obscene over-use of Nag Champa and negligible interest in wage-earning).

As I read his very rich site, I discovered that Professor Sobottka (or just "Professor Stanley" as I like to affectionately think of him) is a big fan of Ramesh Balsekar, a former President of the Bank of India who became enlightened after studying a book called The Open Secret by an Irish aristocrat who went by the somewhat silly-sounding (for an old white dude) nom de plume of Wei Wu Wei.

I swear, you can't make this stuff up. It's too funny. Divine consciousness has a really goofy sense of humor.

But right now I'm just about gushing with enthusiasm for the perceptive reading of The Heart Sutra (my favorite!) that Mr. Wei Wu Wei offered in The Open Secret.



 ("Therefore Prajnaparamita is the Great Magic Spell, the Spell of Illumination, the Supreme Spell, Which Can Truly Protect One from All Suffering Without Fail")

What I find really compelling about The Open Secret, and what Mr. Ramesh Balsekar and subsequently our pal Professor Stanley must have found really compelling - is the doorway to nondual contemplation that's opened with the very simple and radical idea that we actually have no free will, and thus no responsibility or control over our thoughts and actions.

I know that I've heard this idea expressed before - but for some reason this week it's hit me at a great depth and I just about can't think of anything else. Or rather, I'm not thinking about it. I'm being thought.

Now the notion that we have no responsibility, control, volition or free will may at first glance just sound scary, creepy, or like another hippie excuse for not working and burning a lot of Nag Champa.

The thing is - the more I reflect on it, the more I find that my own personal sense of volition and responsibility doesn't really bring me anything other than guilt, pride, and anxiety - i.e., suffering.

And of course - when I'm suffering, I'm way more likely to shirk work, act bitchy to self and others, and generally be a jerk.

So weirdly, the more I relax into the notion that I'm not an independent, separate volitional individual but rather just  a choiceless wave in the ocean of the universe whose thoughts, decisions, actions, and perception occurs without any will of my own - the more I notice myself becoming cheerful, kind, and productive.

I know this sounds paradoxical.

I was a teenage junkie

It's a paradox that I'm familiar with from my years in 12 step recovery groups.  You see, at one point in my tender young life I spent a lot of time shooting heroin.

These days I'm mostly so goody-two shoes and wholesome that no one would suspect it of me, but yes, friends - I was teenage junkie. And no, it was not as fun or glamorous as it sounds.

The thing about my shooting heroin was this:  as long as I told myself that I had any choice in the matter - that I could stop when I wanted to - that I could use less - that "I" was in anyway in charge of my substance use - well, the less capable of stopping I was. It was almost as if my thought that I had choice in the matter kept me hideously stuck.



The first step in 12 Step Recovery programs is "We admitted we were powerless over [fill in the blank - alcohol, addiction, over-eating, emotions, codependence, sexual acting out, gambling, debting, etc. etc. etc.] and that our lives had become unmanageable."

So finally when I was beat-up enough by my addiction to be willing to accept spiritual instruction from chain-smoking yinzers in church basements, I accepted that I actually had no choice about my addiction, and no control. I couldn't stop, I couldn't use less, I was not in charge, I had no way to halt myself and would just keep using until it killed me.



 (This is an illustrative sample image of a chain-smoking yinzer, in case you do not have the great good fortune to be from Pittsburgh and have not encountered this phenomenon)

Basically, I admitted that I was really and truly fucked.

My only hope was that something a lot more powerful and benevolent than my own will and choice (something known as a "Higher Power," or, more generally, "God") would be so kind as to cosmically intervene and stop me from doping myself to death.

As it turned out, this Higher Power did indeed intervene - and I stopped getting high. But it was immensely evident to me that it was not "me" who got myself clean. "Me" was an idiot who relentlessly and compulsively sought drugs every day of her life even when she knew she wanted to stop and hated herself and what she had done to her life. "Me" was not capable through her own will of going two hours without a hit, let alone going through withdrawal, attending meetings, and talking to a sponsor.

However, when I admitted the totally screwed uselessness of the "me" - i.e., that I had no choice in the matter of my using - that admission was enough to open the way for a Higher Power to come in and take over and make my life much, much better than I was making it.

I'm pretty happy that I don't exist

With the help of this Higher Power thing, I've been clean for almost 10 years now.

So having had this rather dramatic experience of how admitting my powerlessness and volitionless-ness actually made my life way way way way better, it's not too hard for me to understand that the more I'm willing to generalize this state of non-control, probably the better my life can get.

I begin to detect that the sense that I have any control or volition AT ALL is itself the core of the disease of addiction - because as long as I imagine I have control, I usually am constantly "proving" to myself how very in charge of my experience I am by seeking to maximize my pleasure and minimize my pain in life.

And, clever dove that I am, I can find ways to maximize my pleasure with career success, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, cookies, men, money, accomplishment, shopping, self-righteousness and just about anything else that can ring my neurochemical bell. None of which are bad in themselves - but all of which get to be pretty whack when I attack them with my self-will.

This compulsive seeking to maximize pleasure and minimize pain is what the Buddha called "attachment" or "clinging" and told us was the source of all suffering.

Meanwhile, when I let go of the illusion that "I" am in charge of my thoughts or actions, this compulsive pleasure-seeking and all its accompanying guilt and anxiety falls away. Hence, it becomes a lot more easy to accept the simple joys and pains of the present moment. As a bonus, all the jerk stuff I do to get my own way and all the damage I do to my health falls away, too.

So, ironically - the less I believe myself to be in charge of my own thoughts, decisions, and actions, the more kindly and "responsibly" I behave.

Perhaps this is because to be "responsible" is to be "able to respond" - and when I'm not in the delusion that I'm a separate ego, this bodymind that I am is able to respond a lot more efficiently to the unfolding happenings of the world.

Posted on February 6, 2014 and filed under Uncategorized.

Sacred Outlook - a key magical practice



So lately (and throughout my life) I'm pretty well obsessed with sacred outlook, also known as pure perception or true perception. I've begun to believe that it's the cornerstone of magic and living an awesome life. Sacred outlook can sound rather saccharine or silly at first. It's the practice of "pretending" that every circumstance and every person you meet with is wholly divine, wise, pure, loving, and worthy of  huge gratitude and receptive reverence.  Of course most of the time we don't automatically perceive the vast majority of situations and people in our lives this way.

(image from The Dalai Lama's Secret Temple: Tantric Wall Paintings from Tibet. Tibetan tantra emphasizes Sacred Outlook as a means of spiritual evolution)

For example, my automatic perception setting is to look around and see circumstances ranging from the numbingly mundane to the excruciatingly tragic, and people ranging from the fairly cool to the totally annoying.

Yet the weird joke is that after you practice celebrating everyone you meet as a profoundly wise divinity whose every word is precious and encountering every situation as a joyous boon for a few weeks, you start to discover something very alarming: you're not really pretending anymore that everything is way wonderful.

You're actually directly, effortlessly perceiving that everything is way wonderful.

And this, friends, is very, very trippy.

Let me be clear: just because you're practicing sacred outlook doesn't mean that all the shitty things that go on in the world halt.  There's still war and rape and abuse and economic inequity and environmental devastation.  That all still exists.  What changes is that you start to perceive the fundamental goodness in everyone's heart and in your own heart - and that goodness becomes WAY BRIGHTER than all the awful stuff.

And soon you start to see that all the awful stuff (war, rape, abuse, economic inequity, environmental devastation, on and on) is just what people do when they're allowing their own confusion to keep them from seeing the fundamental, astoundingly gorgeous and wise goodness in their own heart and in everyone else's.

So everywhere you look, in every situation you see - you no longer see boring, wretched people and situations that merit your rejection or indifference. Instead, you see loving, amazing people and situations (sometimes caught up in sad confusion) that merit your admiration and engaged compassion.

So you're seeing the actual wonderfulness that was present all along, but which had previously been obscured by your judging and resisting ego-mind.

It even begins to dawn on you that your very willingness to perceive the marvels in every person and every situation is actively helping to draw those marvels out.  In other words, your showing up with an open heart and open mind is an actively positive choice that lets people feel comfortable enough to drop their defenses and be more rad with you.

The three traditions I'm aware of which give the most emphasis to the practice of sacred outlook as a path of spiritual advancement are Vajrayana (aka tantric) Buddhism, Sufism, and nondual Christianity ala A Course in Miracles.  You can find out more about all of these on the tantric resources page.

All of these traditions propose that sacred outlook is a rapid path to realization.  As I've experimented with it over the years, I've found that to be true. The times I've put the most energy into cultivating sacred outlook, I've actually felt my center of felt perception shift from my brain to my heart.  Scientifically speaking, it seems that I begin to experience the world with a lot more mellow and cuddly oxytocin kind of feelings and a lot less demanding, addictive dopamine-seeking kind of feelings.

A bit about me, Carolyn Elliott

coach magical, creative people to live turned-on, ecstatic lives rich with genius and electricity.  I’m the author of Awaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Path to Feeing Your Creativity and Manifesting You Dreams (North Atlantic / Random House).  I also lead the Outlaw Court, a secret Facebook group where outlaws are hugely supported in rocking their magic and bringing their Things into the world – if you’re magic and you know it, you’re welcome to to join the Outlaw Court.

Posted on February 4, 2014 and filed under Uncategorized.

Reveling in How Very Awful Everything Is

So, there's this tender, sad spot in your heart. And there's something torturing that tender spot with the brutal precision of a dental drill. There's a maniacal, high-pitched whine and the scent of burning bone in the air all around you.  It fucking hurts. You're in pain. The kind  of smoldering pain that plunges to the forefront of your consciousness all of the other incredibly shitty times that you felt shredded by life. You've been disappointed, abandoned, rejected.  You've failed.  You don't look cool, you don't look good. At all.

You're tired and smelly and needy and covered with snot.

It's wretched, I know.

For the last month I've been getting wheedled by that dental drill.  I've attained epic heights of self-pity  - vast vistas of inconsolable angst. The kind of angst possibly known only to you, me, Kafka, Charlie Brown, and Morrissey.




The thing that I keep having to realize about this angst every time it wells up in me is the same: this is my big chance for freedom and power.

The opportunity to get free and powerful doesn't come when everything is going the way I want it to.  It doesn't come when I'm riding high and all forces are appropriately and neatly lining up in a manner that fully suits my vanity and readily feeds my hunger.

It's actually only when I'm feeling massively fucked up and low that the chance to dramatically alter my consciousness really kicks in.  Because when life is unfolding in a fashion that doesn't feel remotely comfortable, that's when I have the opportunity to learn to get off on the discomfort.

So I've chosen to revel in how very awful everything is. And I don't mean to wallow in it.  I mean to actually practice wildly enjoying things just as they are, in all of their amazing suck.

And oh my god, they suck.

I've chosen this because I know deep within myself that what I want most is actually not to be safe and protected.  I don't truly want to have everyone and everything follow my rules all the time and thereby never disappoint, frustrate, or offend me.  That would be boring.

What I want to know that I'm huge and free and strong enough to learn to get really turned on by reality and other people doing exactly what they do.

Namely - disappoint, frustrate, and offend me.

I want this because I want to experience myself outside the bounds of my conditioned identity and attachments. I want to feel the boundless, pulsing love of my own nature, touching me and touching everyone without limit, discrimination, or refusal.

And as I settle into that revelry I can feel warmth and openness moving into my chest where previously just the dental drill was whirring.

A bit about me, Carolyn Elliott

coach magical, creative people to live turned-on, ecstatic lives rich with genius and electricity.  I’m the author of Awaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Path to Feeing Your Creativity and Manifesting You Dreams (North Atlantic / Random House).  I also lead the Outlaw Court, a secret Facebook group where outlaws are hugely supported in rocking their magic and bringing their Things into the world – if you’re magic and you know it, you’re welcome to to join the Outlaw Court.



Posted on November 5, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

Outlaw Magic 101

Outlaw magic is electricity, sublimity, grandeur.  It's the fire of god, the breath of life, the orgasm of the universe. It's the magnetism of non-attachment which is fully engaged at the same time that it's fully non-grasping. Red_tara_01d-210

(This is Red Tara, the Buddha of Awake Desire - she's fully non-attached and fully magnetic - an archetypal Outlaw)

To touch it, you only have to do the hardest thing in the world.  To wield it, you only have to surrender. To let it course through you, you only have to die.

You have to die to the finite game you're playing with such great seriousness: the fight for security and comfort and the approval of others. You have to drop the story you've got about how you're out to prove something.

No matter if you win or lose in that finite game - no matter if you end up with your security and your comfort and your respectability - you've lost as long as you've taken it seriously.

You've lost because the seriousness crushes everything true in you.  It either inflates you or it deflates you.  But either way you're sunk. The most inflated finite player in the world is still not free, she's bound by the game she's attached herself to.

Because she's not free, the finite player is empty of passion.  Passion is the province of the free.  To be impassioned, you have to touch other people and liberate them.  You can't liberate anyone if you're regarding everyone as a competitor in the game.  The intimacy of touch requires total unconcealment.  Unconcealment is the one thing that the finite player cannot afford, because it kills her seriousness and wakes her up out of the game.

To be serious means you suffer if it looks like you're losing, and you exalt if it looks like you're winning. To play the finite game with seriousness means you try to make finite ends mean infinite things like approval and love.  It means to place limits on approval and love, to constrain them.

"I will only approve of this world and myself and everyone else when I succeed in getting this specific finite thing," is the unspoken rule of the serious finite player.

The outlaw is an outlaw because she's stopped playing the finite game with any seriousness.  She's outside of its rules, outside of its laws.

The outlaw decides to give herself total approval at all times.  She decides to regard herself as already having won in life, no matter what her circumstances look like, no matter how other people respond to her.

No one gave her the authority to do this.  No one can give her that authority.  She gave it to herself, because she fucking felt like it. Because she noticed that no one else was doing it. Except for maybe the power that runs the universe.

And a strange thing happens in that decision to be in approval of herself without condition: she gets free.

And her freedom is magnetic.

In all of her interactions with people - whether she's selling something or flirting or nurturing or arguing or teaching or dancing - there's a ringing clarity and ease.

The clarity is the absence of a covert agenda.  She's no longer asking for validation in anything she does.

This means that when she asks for something she's always asking cleanly and directly: for money, for attention, for sex, for surrender, for truth, for fun.

She's not secretly pulling for you to be in approval of her right to ask, of her right to her desire. She fucking doesn't care because she already fully approves of her right to ask and her right to desire.

Outlaw magic kicks into high gear the moment you decide that your's and everyone's liberation is more important to you than winning, looking good, or being comfortable. It's the magnetism of non-attachment and the freedom to be present in each moment without a secret agenda.

To access the magnetism of non-attachment, you have to first forgive yourself for how very very attached you've been. Forgive yourself for how much you've made yourself suffer over your finite games, and how you've used that suffering to hurt and disconnect and distance yourself from others.

When you forgive the attachment and suffering in yourself, you forgive it in all of us. And we need that. We need you to be able to see us struggling and deluded and lashing out in pain and anger or hiding in cowardice and fear and for you to stand in the presence of your freedom, regarding us with tremendous love, knowing the truth that we're also utterly free.

Outlaw magic is the ability to be playful with your darkness and terror and with ours.  It's the willingness to cast off the tyranny of our judging and alienating egos and to step into the throbbing electric current that links us all, all the time.


When you're standing wide-open in that current, strange and wonderful things happen.  People are dramatically changed by their encounters with you and you with them.

You wind up in far-flung corners of the earth or in fascinating nooks of your own hometown that you've never seen before - and you discover that miracles are in progress there: a man in a brocade coat with a high collar is playing a guitar, the full moon is pulsing, oil is being poured into your hands, children are inventing new languages.  The world is unfolding in its fullest imagination of itself, alive and weird.

You don't control the electric current of outlaw magic- but it asks for your participation.  You play it out, you dance with it, you move, you fall flat on your face. It hurts, you're bloodied - and you get up and go into the dance again.

A bit about me, Carolyn Elliott

coach magical, creative people to live turned-on, ecstatic lives rich with genius and electricity.  I’m the author of Awaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Path to Feeing Your Creativity and Manifesting You Dreams (North Atlantic / Random House).  I also lead the Outlaw Court, a secret Facebook group where outlaws are hugely supported in rocking their magic and bringing their Things into the world – if you’re magic and you know it, you’re welcome to to join the Outlaw Court.













Posted on November 2, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

Your Magic is Your Eros is the Spark of Revolution: on Russell Brand, Nonduality and Genius


(Still shot from the video for a great anthem of revolutionary Eros - "No Church in the Wild")

The highly wicked and wonderful  Russell Brand reminded me of something the other day in his most recent interview. Namely, that the revolution has to come and that we're responsible for creating it.


The revolution has to come, Mr. Brand rightly explains, because our world of enforced alienation is absolutely non-sustainable, and not in accord with anything that's actually true in anyone's heart or real desire.

Like, who the fuck wakes up in the morning thinking, "Wow, I really hope everything about our society stays exactly as it is so I can continue to be degraded by corporations every day, forced to be a wage slave, and constantly encouraged to feel separate from and in competition with my fellow human beings."

The truth is, none of us want the world as it's presently structured. We don't want alienation and disconnection and debt and property.  We want to be with each other and love each other and eat actual food and live in actual houses and fuck and raise children and make music and dance and do work that enhances our community's well-being rather than the profit margins of a company.

As a magician, I'm also a revolutionary anarchist. And you are too. Whether you know it or not. Whether you give a fig for politics or not.

What the practice of desire-fueled magic (i.e., tantra, alchemy) eventually leads to is the dissolution of dualistic perception and the falling away of all conceptual stories.  This happens in your own mind and in the minds of those around you who are inevitably opened by your liberation.

Which is to say, your magic is what happens when you surrender enough to allow your eros to lead you outside of your societally conditioned identity - and this process ultimately leads to you entering a condition of nondual perception.  As more people enter their eros this way and come closer to the perception of this nonduality eventually the story of private property and the global corporatist state that supports it will have to dissolve.

Our whole society is built around the protection of the dualistic fiction of private property. The fiction of private property is the idea that people can "own" things beyond what they can personally use - vast tracks of land, giant houses with empty rooms, factories, huge piles of money.  It's a fiction that creates intense alienation and enormous wealth disparity.

I say that private property is a dualistic fiction because ownership literally is the story that someone has a right to the exclusive, sovereign use of something - and, as fictions do, this story has to be perpetually remembered and re-told in order to stay "real" - it requires record-keeping to document the past in which ownership commenced.

Without the story of a past in which the property in question was "secured" into the ownership of a specific someone through inheritance or purchase, there can be no property - only the thing in itself - the house, the land, the factory - just standing there, free in itself, belonging to no one.

All belonging, all ownership is a story. It's not real. And because it's not real, it requires perpetual force to be maintained.

Basic, self-evident facts don't require the threat of violence for their protection. No one ever went to war over the notion that the sky is blue. Stories, however, do require such protection, precisely because they have no actual reality.

So the state exists to protect the fiction of private property.  If you try to go farm on the lawn of a rich person's estate, odds are awesome that they'll have the police forcibly remove you. Likewise if you try camping with a few hundred of your friends in a city park, or squatting to reclaim empty buildings for community use.  You can expect tear gas, handcuffs and rubber bullets.

Basically, the current suck-ass state of the world is created by a fear-fueled sort of black magic.  

And I'm not talking about black magic that's done by a secret society of Reptilian Illuminati Overlords.  I'm talking about the spells that are openly and perpetually cast by capitalism and the state and its media which enforce the notion that people are separate from one another and that it's possible for some to benefit while others suffer.

All of us in this world are subject to these spells. And they're not new either.  They were around in Jesus' time, and so common that he just called this nexus of fear-fueled black magic "the world" - he liked to contrast the world with "the kingdom of heaven" - the nondualistic state of perception in which nothing is owned or limited.

Magic (the good kind) happens when we allow our desire (the wish to be connected, no matter what, no matter how much it hurts to feel other people and let ourselves be felt) to be larger and stronger than our fear (the wish to be separate and protected).  It grows when we continually act on our desire instead of on our fear.

This is a bit confusing because often when people talk about their "desires" they're not really describing their desires at all. They're describing the things their fear tells them that they need to get and keep in order to be safe.  Private property was a story that was invented to help people feel safe, to help them believe that they could hold onto things.

Except they can't. And when they try to, it just fucks everything up for everyone. The people who own the private property are screwed just as much as the people who are left in poverty - they're screwed because they're having their false sense of separation from others enforced.

Jesus said it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven, because once someone is rich with property they become not so keen on the idea of accepting the nondual reality of the kingdom of heaven. Dualism and alienation starts to look awful cozy to them, because they're "winning" at it.  Of course they're not winning, though, because they're living from their egos and stories rather than from surrender to the living truth.

Real magic begins when we make the heroic decision to stop using stories to deny and hide from the radical non-safety of our existence and all the intensity of sensation that comes along with it (no one gets out of this world painlessly or alive, have you noticed?).

In making this decision to accept uncertainty, we start to drop our efforts to stay secure and separate. We stop holding on so hard to our possessions, in part because we stop holding on so hard to the story of our past and our future. We drop rules and boundaries in our relationships. We become more open, malleable, fluid, vulnerable. This is massively uncomfortable. We have our hearts broken and our hopes dashed ten thousand times a day. And we start to like it.

We start to like it because the willingness to embrace of the total uncertainty and groundlessness of our being is actually the only real security there is in this world. 

It puts us into the heart of our genius, our irreducible originality and responsiveness to reality- the intensely erotic, playful being that's spontaneously there when we stop being concerned with winning or losing in the finite games of property, reputation, and possession.

Russell Brand himself looks to me like a fine example of what this kind of empowered, erotic, spontaneous, and responsive genius looks like in action. It seems to me that a good deal of his own power comes from his willingness to play in that radical uncertainty and connection with other human beings as human beings.

For evidence of this, I offer you Russell's June 2013 interview on MSNBC - wherein he wrapped every one of the talking heads present around his little finger merely by staying present and human in a room full of people trying really hard to be corporate automatons.


My mind often flips through the options available to me to spark a revolution.  I often think of civil disobedience, but civil disobedience has its limits.  It can be readily squashed by cops in riot gear, as we saw with the Occupy Movement.

The kind of revolution that's a lot more difficult to squash is a ton of people no longer willing to play at life from a place of fear and self-protection but rather from dauntless desire to experience the reality of our radical non-security and our total connectedness.

And of course, it's also quite possible that if we all began living much more potently from this place of desire and dauntlessness, we might be a hell of a lot more disobedient, No Church in the Wild-style.

"I live by you, desire I stand by you, walk through the fire Your love is my scripture Let me into your encryption."









Posted on October 28, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

Orgasmic Heart, Bodhisattva Heart

The text I received the other day from a man I'd recently fallen in love with read like a cross between an aphorism by the medieval mystic Meister Eckhart and a darkly erotic Angela Carter novel. I mean, the passage was truly harrowing: it melded transcendent sexual ecstasy with rending, St. Sebastian-style torture.


 (This is St. Sebastian, being pierced with arrows by naughty, naughty Romans)

All of this would have been just unequivocally, mouth-wateringly grand, except that the text was about an experience he had had with another woman. An experience which happened the very same night I left his vicinity following a long and cuddly weekend in California where both of us are training to be Orgasmic Meditation leaders and coaches.


 ("Hey guys, that was pretty hot - can we do it again?" This is St. Sebastian, after being pierced with arrows by naughty, naughty Romans.)

It really fucked me up to read that text, but the English professor in me couldn't help  appreciate the writing. "Wow, that's such solid use of dynamic sentence fragments for emotional emphasis," I marveled while my heart convulsively froze and grief stabbed my stomach.

I had agreed to an open relationship. I knew for certain something like this was coming. I just hadn't thought it would come so soon, or with such stellar active verb use and riveting adjectives.

I burst into tears. "Fuck this, fuck Orgasmic Meditation and fuck this stupid orgasmically-charged polyamory, fuck fuck fuck my life. God, this is so stupid. Fuck fuck fuck fuck why do I do this to myself?"

I called my mother.  She verified for me that polyamory was fucking stupid, that the man I had just fallen in love with was just another confused asshole (NOTE: my mother swears more than me, which is a pretty impressive feat), and I should just find a regular guy in Pittsburgh who was just MY boyfriend and not the boyfriend of 90% of the female population of California (and by the way FUCK CALIFORNIA) and then I should just get married and not have to do all this idiotic running around.

All of which sounds pretty cool, except I had tried getting married last year and it blew up in my face in a manner not unlike the flesh-melting fire-bombing of Dresden.

So then, upon having conclusively seen that all life and love were both meaningless, futile and impossible, I fell into one of my depressions.

While in my depressive state (which feels a lot like being smothered by musty moth-eaten burlap while being repeatedly kicked in the gut) I remembered that the one thing that really helped me cheer up after the excoriating pain of my failed marriage was my decision to dedicate my life to the well-fare and liberation of all beings instead of to the glorification of the Carolyn Ego Monster.

It just so happens that there really is nothing more on this planet that the Carolyn Ego Monster feeds on than her ideal of monogamous couplehood.  I know it's a perversion of something that should be beautiful and that lots of people do monogamy without it being a bizarro Ego Kink.  And the honest truth is that somewhere deep within the shadowy circuiting of my brain is something that gets a much-too-immense high off of fulfilling the conventional heteronormative couple archetype and being special.

The problem with my specialness is that it's a pleasure that by definition is not available to all other sentient beings.  My specialness means other people have to be lame or boring or not-worth-loving by contrast.

So what my new lover had done with his very well-written gothic text was jam a spike straight into the somehow still-beating vampire heart of my Ego Monster.

Because if he can have such a blood-curdling fine time with another lady - well, what does that mean about me?

It means three Very Horrible Things I don't like to confront:

1)  My pussy is not the sole extant Fount of the Nectar of the Eternal Feminine in this world.

2) People other than me are also very wonderful.

3) I'm not in absolute control of the universe and all creatures and happenings within it.

Damn it fuck.

Trevi Fountain (1)

 (The Trevi Fountain in Rome: having the gall to seriously rival me as an Eternal Fount)

The option of course remains available to me to say "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home."


And I also notice that it's kind of boring to play that way.  In other words, Eric Cartman's wisdom is probably not the best guiding light for my life.

So I sat for a time in meditation on my bodhisattva vow and saw that what came up for me in relation to wanting to be special to this man I love was ironically a sense of wanting to avoid connection.

  • Wanting to avoid connection with the other women in his life and all their hearts and histories and joys and traumas and beauties and losses.
  • Wanting to avoid connection with the parts of him that are fully capable in taking delight in those women or being tortured by them.
  • Wanting to avoid connection with the parts of myself that feel insecure and non-utterly-captivatingly-fabulous.
  • Wanting to avoid sharing my own orgasmic and emotional energy with many people.

And it just so happens - avoidance of connection is the main thing a bodhisattva renounces.

The Tibetan word for the bodhisattva's compassionate commitment to free herself so she can be of maximum benefits to others  is bodhicitta.  Bodhicitta literally means "the heart of awakening," and in Mahayana Buddhism it's considered the most precious and beneficial attitude a person can possibly have.

In Tantric Buddhist texts that give instructions for how the bodhisattva can liberate herself in one lifetime rather than in countless aeons (the amount of time that non-tantric paths to liberation are said to take), the term bodhicitta still means the heart of awakening - and it also comes to be synonymous with what's usually known as kundalini or tummo, the fiery, electrical sexual-spiritual energy of the body.

So the tantric bodhisattva's bodhicitta is boundless love and it's also boundless orgasm. Orgasmic Meditation helps me cultivate that boundless orgasm, and there's an adage in the practice that to me seems supremely relevant to the bodhisattva way of life - "stay connected, no matter what."

The compassionate desire of the heart is actually identical with the fully unleashed desire of eros - they both want unfettered connection, limitless love.  They're both without preferences, sluttishly indiscriminate in their gifts.

You're not really dedicated to the liberation of all beings unless you're willing to give everything for their happiness - your glories and your loved ones and you heart and you blood and your guts and your sex and your respectable reputation.

The heart without orgasm fueling it has a fine reputation but it's a rather dry and saccharine thing. It smells kind of like the inside of a Hallmark Store. It's dusty potpourri and porcelain knick-knacks no one wants.

There's a reason Jesus hung out with prostitutes, kicked over tables in temples like a raging bad-ass and was always summoning up wine and food to fuel wild parties. The reason was that he had a seriously orgasmic, super-charged bodhisattva heart.


 (Orgasmic hearts look like this. Probably science will soon agree.)

The job of realizing the identity of passion and compassion and unleashing them within oneself to move in aligned action in the world is basically the work of awakening in one lifetime.  It's the creation of the philosopher's stone, the fulfillment of the Great Work of alchemy.

The great tantric bodhisattvas of Tibet, in other words, did not sit around bitching to their mothers that this guy they really, really like slept with someone else.

So I sat there doing tonglen, becoming willing to take in all that horrible connection with all those messy people and their love and their desire and problems and take it all the way, breathing it all in.

And as I did that, I felt much lighter and happier - and it occurred to me that probably the reason all my past monogamous, conventional relationships went so awry is that I was actually unconsciously using them to avoid connection.

Hmmmmm. Probably people who have sane and happy monogamous relationships don't do that.

In other words, I'm personally not capable of happy monogamy or happy polyamory or really much of happy anything unless I am fully and utterly willing to be always in the orgasmic bodhisattva heart of connection, with all its messes and tears and pain and pleasure and - ugh - other people.

In other words, I'm an infinite player - and I crush a lot.

So I love these words of the philosopher James P. Carse in his book Finite and Infinite Games:

"Sexuality is not a bounded phenomenon but a horizontal phenomenon for infinite players. One can never say, therefore, that an infinite player is homosexual, or heterosexual, or celibate, or adulterous, or faithful - because each of these definitions has to do with boundaries, with circumscribed areas and styles of play. Infinite players do not play within sexual boundaries, but with sexual boundaries. They are concerned not with power but with vision.

In their sexual play they suffer others, allow them to be as they are. Suffering others, they open themselves. Open, they learn both about others and about themselves. Learning, they grow. What they learn is not about sexuality, but how to be more completely and originally themselves, to be the genius of their own actions, to be whole."

To suffer and to be suffered in the touch of our glory and our ache - I can't really think of anything more kind. So I'm still in the game.

A bit about me, Carolyn Elliott

I coach magical, creative people to live turned-on, ecstatic lives full of genius and challenge.  I’m the author of Awaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Path to Feeing Your Creativity and Manifesting You Dreams (North Atlantic / Random House).  I also lead the Outlaw Court, a secret Facebook group where magical people are hugely supported in bringing their Things into the world – if you’re magic and you know it, you’re welcome to apply to join the Outlaw Court.










Posted on October 22, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

3 Magic Ways to Wake Up Your Genius

Look, you already have a fuck ton of genius. You genius is the disruptive, volatile, erotic force of evolution within you and within every human being.  It’s your original, irreducible power. It just doesn’t give a hot damn about your comfort, so you usually suppress it to stay cozy.

Honestly, it’s likely that the very last thing your ego truly wants to do is wake up your genius. Because that shit is scary.

The only reason your genius isn't fully awake and active right this minute is because of your fear. And your fear is pretty damn sensible.

It's sensible because your genius will devour everything in your present life and self-image only to lift its blood-smeared face from your steaming entrails and lick its lips, wide-eyed, howling for more.


 (This is what your genius looks like. It's a daimon. It will fuck you up. And you'll like it.)

And you’ll want to give it more. And you know that.

You know that giving all of  yourself to  your genius will be glorious and also utterly terrifying.

Most of us actually go to great lengths to avoid waking up our genius and having it eat us alive. We snuggle up into stale relationships, boring jobs, well-rehearsed social roles.

We find ways to numb ourselves out (over-eating, cigarettes, obessesive relationships, over-work and over-consumption are popular American choices) and go through our lives like we’re sleep-walking.

It’s fairly nice – except it kills us inside.  So millions of people end up depressed – feeling flat and stuck and low.

Depression is a real and awful thing – and as far as I can tell, it’s also mostly a symptom of suppressed genius.

Still with me? Okay. If you really want to wake your genius up – what follows are the basics that you need to know.

Each one of them is a magical practice that draws on the resources of your imagination and heart and energy to re-create your fundamental experience of life.  Because that’s the most genius thing you can do.

1. Dream Yourself Awake

Dreaming Yourself Awake means:

a) Spending time each day committing to becoming fully awake so you can awaken all other beings from their suffering – and…

b) Vividly imagining that you’re already a fully-compassionate, aware, wise, ecstatic, radiant and empowered being.

After you practice committing to wake everyone up out of their suffering and visualizing yourself as an already totally realized creature you get up off of your meditation cushion or couch, and proceed through your daily life acting “as if” you indeed already are this utterly amazing, luminous being.

This work is based on ancient practice called Deity Yoga.

Deity Yoga found its fullest flourishing in Tibetan Tantric Buddhism, where practicioners devote time every day to imagining themselves as already-awakened Buddhas.  In Tibet, they say that this practice is the key to attaining full enlightenment in one lifetime.

The practice works because it draws on the innate power of your imagination to activate the creative force within you. What you vividly imagine, you gradually become.

Most of us vividly imagine ourselves each day in the same way – as boring little mortals of limited resources, full of resentments and self-pity, struggling each day to get what we need.

As long as you keep unconsciously projecting that limited imagination of yourself, that’s what the world will reflect back to you, and that’s all you will know yourself to be.

As you begin consciously projecting an imagination of yourself as utterly empowered, magic, awake, and loving, overtime the world will reflect that gorgeousness back to you, and that’s what you’ll know yourself to be.

It’s very simple.

And you don’t have to believe me.  Just try it for thirty days and notice what happens.

Also, pay attention to how much it scares you to realize your thoughts and imaginations have that much dramatic influence over your experience of life.

Discover how you stop behaving in ways that ensure that you gather the approval of everyone around you and instead start behaving in ways that challenge their comfort and champion their freedom.

Take note of how completely disturbing that is.


(This is Red Tara, the Buddhist embodiment of Awake Desire - she's the deity I practice this work with. Isn't she hot?)

2. Love Everyone (yeah, including those bastards)

Loving everyone is key to waking up your genius because resentment and fear and alienation are what keep your genius chained-up and asleep.  They’re the stultifying drugs of smallness and boringness.

I know loving everyone sounds all cuddly and sugary, but really it’s just about the grittiest, nastiest, most painful thing you can do.

It involves confronting every single place inside of yourself that you prefer to stay bitter, fearful, separate and selfish – and pushing beyond that into wishing freedom and joy for every last person who’s ever hurt you or could ever hurt you.

In other words, it’s agonizing.

And it also ultimately feels really, really super awesome.  Like giant, perpetual hits of free and legal Ecstasy flooding your brain with oxytocin and dopamine all the time kind of awesome.

The practice of loving everyone is also a daily work.  It’s based on another very old form of Buddhist contemplation called Metta Cultivation.

Metta is the Pali word for “fat with friendship.”  It’s a kind of love that’s not grasping or controlling but instead just saturated with endlessly flowing, non-conditional goodwill.

Metta entails simply vividly imagining and wishing for the happiness of yourself and others.  Isn’t that a solid, succinct definition of love?

Metta is not a promise to always like everyone or indulge all their whims – it’s a commitment just to relentlessly wish them well-being and happiness.

You may be thinking to yourself “oh, I already wish well for everyone” – but do you really?

Do you really and truly wish for your former friend who disrespected you dramatically and betrayed your trust?

What about that person who traumatized you when you were growing up?

Do you really want them to enjoy unstoppable waves of gigantic bliss and fulfillment now and forever?

Yeah. So. Until you do, baby, your metta is weak stuff.

Metta is traditionally considered one of the four “Boundless Thoughts” or Brahmaviharas (the others are karuna – compassion, mudita – sympathetic joy, and upekkha – equanimity).

The Brahmaviharas are literally “the God-Realms.”  They’re boundless thoughts because they embrace all beings equally without limit or duality, and they’re the sort of thoughts that divinities think.

All of the Brahmaviharas are tremendously valuable and important – and metta is the foundation for all of them.

It’s possible to consider Metta Cultivation to be another aspect of Dreaming Yourself Awake. It’s another way to practice being and thinking like a God or a Buddha or an Angel or whatever you would like to call it.


(No really. Love everyone. Especially those jerks. You know who I mean.)


In Metta practice, you take time to visualize first yourself, then a friend, then a person you feel indifferent about, then an enemy looking and feeling utterly ecstatically joyful and free, surrounded by wonderful intimate connection, surrounded by beauty.

The first few weeks of Metta Cultivation are usually profoundly annoying.  You bring to mind your coworker who pissed you off, and you discover that you really don’t want to imagine them glowing with happiness, you’d rather imagine them fired and miserable and full of regret that they were ever rude to you.


Then you keep at it – and overtime you find out that there’s something weird and super-energetic inside you that honestly would prefer to see everyone you know – including the jerks – totally bonkers with fulfillment and joy.

Odd as it sounds, you find out that you actually are the kind of great person that you were always just sort of half-assedly pretending to be.

And that weird, super-energetic, profoundly unpredictable and yet oddly benevolent thing inside you is your genius.  And you’re feeding it love.  And it’s waking up.

Now watch the hell out.

Because the more love you have radiating from within you, the more difficult it will be for people who are afraid of being loved to relate to you.

You might find yourself spontaneously dancing with joy, running up to people and hugging them, staying up all night to compose a song or paint a portrait.

Lots of people you know won’t much care for this new, ebullient and boundlessly creative you.  And in the past you would have let their disapproval get you down and shut you up.

But now you don’t really care because you just love them sooooooooo much.

I mean, they even look cute to you while they’re standing there grimacing at you.

3. Don’t Hide

At its most basic level, Don’t Hide means stay in connection with the world. Stay in connection with the people you love even when they piss you off.  Don’t collect up all your toys and go home and lock the door.

Don’t isolate yourself in an attempt to keep from being rocked by other people’s messy demands and emotions and judgments of you.

Show up.  Put yourself out there.  Expect plenty of criticism and insult and revel in it.  Also expect plenty of love – and revel in it.

Your genius is dead-set on not just waking you up to amazing generative brilliance but to waking up everyone else, too. 

And that means you have to be in relationship in order for your genius to thrive.

You can’t bring yourself and everyone else into their fullest potential if you’re not relating to them.

So sitting alone in your garrett isn’t going to cut it.

You gotta get out there and hustle, darlin’.

Write that blog.  Make those videos.  Show up at that party.  Put together that gallery show. Hell, throw some parties and open some galleries. Found that intentional community.

Make it happen, angel. What are you waiting for?

Let us hear you, let us see you.  At your best and at your worst.  Show us your despicable mess and let us think the worst things possible about you – and then shine on anyway – because that’s the only way we’ll ever learn that our disgusting mess and our vulnerability is okay, too.  That’s the only way we’ll get free and awake.

Be the brave one, the bold one.  The one who loves us so much she doesn’t flinch when our fear of our own genius causes us to act like supreme jerks.

On a deeper level, Don't Hide means truly let yourself touch and be touched.  And I mean this quite literally.  Be touched by people.  And touch them.  It’s what we all want.

Ask for hugs. Ask for cuddles. Ask for kisses. Ask to hold hands.

Show up at a Contact Improv class and learn to dance by feeling another human being’s body flow with yours.

Sign up for an Orgasmic Meditation training and stroke or get stroked. Let your electricity flow through you to others.

Whatever you do, touch us and let us touch you.  Be present.  It’s super-uncomfortable.  And it’s what your genius longs for.  It’s actual life.

In Conclusion

If you Dream Yourself Awake, Love Everyone, and Don’t Hide – you’ll soon find your genius waking up and taking you on a ride that defies description.

Things will get really messy and really upsetting and also totally magnificently great.

You’ll encounter synchronicities that will boggle your mind, and people and ideas will come into your life that dazzle you.  You’ll create in all kinds of mediums – with words, with pictures, with communities – and best of all, you’ll be living in synch with your heart and your sex and your soul.

You won’t feel blocked or numb, but you will have to deal with a huge amount of intensity and sensation as your genius rips apart your safety and builds you heaven on earth.

Which, by the way, looks pretty much exactly nothing like your present imagination of heaven and a lot like your ego’s worst nightmare.

Terrifying, I know.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

A bit about me, Carolyn Elliott I coach magical, creative people to live turned-on, ecstatic lives full of genius and challenge.  I'm the author of Awaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Path to Feeing Your Creativity and Manifesting You Dreams (North Atlantic / Random House).  I also lead the Outlaw Court, a secret Facebook group where magical people are hugely supported in bringing their Things into the world – if you’re magic and you know it, you’re welcome to apply to join the Outlaw Court.

Posted on October 21, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

The Outlaw Court - where magic becomes power

We  magic people all know what it's like to feel downtrodden, misunderstood, and woefully disheartened by the  slog of life in conventional muggle society.

The muggles (DISCLAIMER: no one is truly and permanently a muggle.  Every living being is actually intensely magical - but if  someone is in denial about her magic, then she's functioning as a muggle and there's really no other way to say it, sad as it is)  have about a zillion means of raining on our ecstatic enchanted parades.

I've seen dear friends of mine locked up for weeks in institutions simply for expressing too much raucous joy while in a state of kundalini awakening.

I've also seen  fabulous magic people descend into addiction or depression because they just don't know how to make a sustainable living from their magic gifts in this muggle-dominated world.

I'm not going to sit idly by while the Nothing destroys my people.  I'm committed to bringing magic back to its rightful place at the center of our culture and helping magic people to flourish.

The Nothing =  the conditioned negative feelings and beliefs within all of us fear, self-pity, anxiety, self-doubt, resentment, worry, ignorance  in all its forms -- and the relentlessly boring, violent, ugly, consumerist world that springs up when people put their trust in the Nothing instead of in their magic. The Nothing is also the source of all the Static that slows us down in working on our Things.

In the Outlaw Court we're sparking a large-scale Rebirth of Magic (i.e., a Renaissance - from the French "naissance" meaning "birth" and the prefix "re" meaning "again").  And I'm inviting you to bring your fuel to the Renaissance-ing Fire at the cozy and dangerous outpost I'm founding for magic renegades who have a dear Thing that they want to bring forth into the world.

A Thing = a masterpiece, a business, a project, a calling, a relationship, a comedy troupe, a family, a dog show, a knitting group - could be any or all or none of these or something else.  Magic people just have Things they need to bring forth.  That's how the Nothing gets dissolved and how the Renaissance thrives. Through the Things magic people do.

The Nothing is practically impossible for us each to fight alone.  Many of us magic people have tragically gone crazy or gotten addicted to drugs or other numbing agents in the effort to survive the fight solo.  

Yet together - we can dissolve the power of the Nothing in our own hearts, thereby liberating ourselves and those around us.  Eventually we can reclaim this whole green globe  for the reign of  Magic, Imagination, Hotness, and Love - all while staying sane and thriving in the material realm.

So what exactly is the Outlaw Court?


The Outlaw Court is a (virtual, imaginal) ramshackle-yet-strangely-opulent outpost in a primeval forest  presided over by a benevolent-yet-also-unspeakably-wicked fairy queen  (ahem, c'est moi) where  magic people from all over the earth (and some other planets and dimensions too, to be honest) band together around a roaring hearth to outwit the soul-crushing Nothing and make GIANT progress on the projects that matter most to  us.


(image: Court of the Faeries by James Christensen)

It's the place where we take our magic and turn it into power - power to make stuff happen while feeling easeful and grand.

In other words, the Outlaw Court is a  secret Facebook group where you get massive support for your magic and your Thing.  To find out more about the forms in which that support manifests, read on.

Yeah, but what's the vibe like?

The vibe is playful and weird and sexy and intimate. It's very fun and smart and quite intensely wonderful.

The Outlaw Court, unlike it's vast mega-festival of a sister group, The Dreamer's Tantra (7000+ members and counting! all of whom you are certainly welcome to join if you haven't already!) is a limited-membership, private, adults-only (18+) affair dedicated to serious magic, serious business, and serious fun. Seriously.

At the Outlaw Court, you don't need to downplay your strength or your vulnerability at all.

You can show up in  your full radiant regalia or just lay in a pile of misery on the floor.  Either way you'll get love and attention for all the parts of yourself and your dreams that need it.

The Outlaw Court proudly shelters and supports magic people of all stripes and flavors:

  • techno-shamans
  • intuitives
  • empaths
  • music-makers
  • dreamers of dreams
  • psychonauts
  • mad artists
  • tantrikas
  • cyber-punks
  • visionary poets
  • shape-shifters
  • dakinis
  • Taoist sages
  • wild beasts
  • gods
  • goddesses
  • muses
  • courtesans
  • witches
  • warlocks
  • everyone else who is awesome
  • - and obviously! - every sort of fairy

What You Get as a Courtier in the Outlaw Court


In 2013 - 2014 Outlaw Courtiers receive:

-  free access to frequent Courtier-led  Conjurings

Conjurings = we Courtiers gather in a Google hangout, review our progress on our Thing, celebrate our advances, brainstorm,  and decide on one action step we'll each complete on our Thing before the next Conjuring.

- free access to weekly Coaching Circles offered by  me (these Coaching Circles will cost more than $25 a pop for non-courtiers).

Coaching Circles = intimate group events wherein I give exquisite attention to individual Courtiers to individually to draw out their deepest desires and alchemize that desire into love and power.

- eligibility for the Magical Monthly Gifting

The Magical Monthly Gifting = each month, it's my good pleasure to choose a different Courtier to gift with a lump sum that I've decided to set aside by earmarking a $3 portion of what comes in from each Courtier's subscription fees.  So for example - when we get up to 1000 Courtiers in the group, the Magical Monthly Gifting I'll be able to award will be $3000.

NOTE: for official purposes, I need to mention that the Magical Monthly Gifting is not a lottery or even a guarantee.  It's just me telling you about something I happen to plan to do with a part of each subscription fee that I receive. The subscription payments, once I receive them, will be legally mine (as in, I'll be taxed on them as income). It just so happens that I like to give, so I plan to give.  And I'm letting you know that.  It could also be that I get taken over by a non-gifting virus and decide not to do the Magical Monthly Gifting at all. Very unlikely, but possible. And that non-gifting, though tragic and lamentable, would be my legal right, because it's my own personal taxed income that I can choose to gift or not gift.  So, just a heads up, folks.

- access to an ever-growing, brilliantly-curated Magic Library of rare books, music, and video resources.

The Magic Library = a page in the Files section of the Outlaw Court secret Facebook group with links to astounding riches to fuel your growth.

- and last but certainly not least: a vibrant, intimate, and loving forum full of magic people from around the world who've been self-selected for their willingness to dissolve the Nothing in themselves and others and bring about the Rebirth of Magic.

What Will Happen in the Outlaw Court

Multidimensional breakthroughs. Explosive revelations. Dissolution of blocks and fears.  The shrinking of the Nothing. The nurturing of businesses and the makings of the monies.  The healing of battle wounds. The births of tantric dragon bodhisattvas. The fulfillment of goals and wishes.  Much rejoicing.



The Outlaw Court - though very friendly and cozy - is not for everyone.

We're about the pragmatic practice of real-life emotional alchemy and gritty, bloody, sexy,  fierce compassion - and not so so so much about  "love & light!"  and feel-good memes (except, you know, when we are).

This means that the Outlaw Court is best for magic people who are self-responsible adults (18+ only - sorry, kids) and who have a general tantric orientation towards life (i.e., you embrace all phenomenon- including passionate desire and anger and heartbreak as part of your path).

"So how much does this cost?"


Pioneer Courtiers who join in the months of October, November and December 2013 will enjoy a subscription rate of just $13 a month, and just so you know -  $3 out of each payment I'll be setting aside to my Magical Monthly Gifting.   The Pioneer Courtiers will continue to enjoy this same $13 per month  subscription rate throughout their stay at the Outlaw Court.

Courtiers who join after 2013 will enjoy a higher subscription rate. 'Cause thems the breaks.

"What if I sign up and then change my mind and want out?"


Mind-changing is cool.  Plus, I only want you to be in the Outlaw Court if you really want to be there.  So if you decide it's not for you, send me an email at and I'll cancel your subscription payment for all future months and then take you out of the group and wish you very happy magic travels.   I won't be offering refunds for subscription payments that have already processed, though.  So if you join us, you'll be at least paying for one month's subscription.

"Okay, I'm in. Where do I join?"

Initiation into the Outlaw Court has four steps.  Three of which you do - one of which I do.

Please allow up to 72 hours for the whole process to happen - right now I'm a one-woman show who handles all administrative stuff solo.

NOTE: In addition to being a one-woman show, I'm also a tad absent-minded (kind of like Merlin - so many potions to brew, so little time!).  So if it seems to you like there's a snag in the process or it's taking longer than 72 hours for your add to the group to go through - please don't stress.  Just send me lots of love and another email and / or Facebook message to remind me to add you. Thank you.

1) Click the PayPal "Subscribe" button below and enter your debit, credit card, or PayPal account information.  I'll receive an email verifying your subscription payment.

2) After you enter your payment for subscription, send me an email at with the subject heading "I'm ready for the Outlaw Court."  Include in the email your name on Facebook (very important so I can friend you and add you to the group!).  Also include in the email your answers to the following three questions so that I can introduce you to the group:

  • a) How has magic evidenced itself so far in your life?
  • b) What is your Thing, or what might your Thing be?
  • c) What are your super-powers?

3) Accept my Facebook friend request (very important - this step has to happen in order for me to add you to the group!).  My Facebook friend request should appear for you within 48 hours.  You can also get proactive about it and send me a friend request.  Oooh la la! So exciting! My name on Facebook is Carolyn Elliott.  Same as my actual name.

NOTE: If we're already Facebook friends it's a very good idea to send me a Facebook message and be like "Hey, what's up Carolyn? I subscribed to the Outlaw Court! Yay! Add me to the secret group!"

4) I add you to the group, introduce you to the gang of Courtiers using the answers to the questions you sent me , and the adventure begins!

The Incredibly Alluring and Delicious PayPal Subscribe Button


Oooooooooooh.  Isn't it so golden and shiny?

Posted on October 2, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.

The Game is Infinite. It starts now.

I just posted this in my Dreamer's Tantra Facebook group.  You're welcome to join us. Dreamers,

We're all going to play a game.

The game, like this group, is called the Dreamer's Tantra.  It's a game I've been playing for awhile now, and I now want to invite you to play it with me.

It's an infinite game, which means it can only be played by magic people.  Muggles are too busy playing finite games.

It's a game in which we all step up and become the much-larger-than-life heroes that we truly are.

The rewards of the game are confrontation with fear, contact with your deep sorrow, and wrenching transformation.

Also:  rapture, ecstasy, connection, synchronous flow, truth, and delicious unending happiness.

The rewards begin as soon as you start playing.

They end as soon as you give up and settle for playing a smaller, finite game.

The infinite game of the Dreamer's Tantra is this:

1. Dream Yourself Awake

Every day, first thing in the morning, vividly dream yourself as an unstoppable, heroic, wildly powerful, fully awake being who is utterly committed to liberating all beings from suffering and delusion.

Feel yourself pulse with awareness, compassion, magnetism, fire.



(This is Red Tara, the Buddha of Awake Desire. I practice imagining myself as Red Tara. It does wonders for the complexion.)

Live out your commitment to liberating all beings by showing up at work, at school, at play as your immensely magical, completely strange, highly improbable, profoundly offensive, devastatingly awake self.

Likewise, see everyone else - from the barista at the coffee shop to your grumpy boss -  as immensely magical, highly improbable, and devastatingly awake.

Practice the same vivid imagination of yourself as a powerful, awake being before you go to sleep each night. Keep it up.

2. Love Everyone

Every day, practice The Four Immeasurable Thoughts  - especially when people piss you off, or you feel doubtful or disappointed.

Loving everyone doesn't mean coddling anyone or "being nice."  It means being fully committed to healing your own mind of alienation, anger, and attachment so that you can be present in your full power so that everyone else can be, too.


Feel the sexual energy of desire in your body.  Know that that  energy in your genitals is identical with the loving desire in your heart to free everyone.  Trust your eros.

3. Don't Hide

Ask for what you want.  Revel in it. Speak your truths.  Say the real thing instead of the polite or "appropriate" thing. Drop your rules about what people can and can't do around you. Show up and be ready for all kinds of play.

Wham! Magic.

(This is a galaxy. It is magic. It is electric rainbow swirling and not giving a fuck.  Why are you?)

Give people the opportunity to feel shocked, betrayed, and angered by you and what you want and what you feel and think.  How else are they supposed to meet you? How else are you supposed to liberate them?

Let yourself touch and be touched.

How to win

In order to reap the rewards of the Dreamer's Tantra game, there's only three things you need to do:

1) Involve as many people in the game with you as you possibly can

2) Keep playing yourself

3) Protect the game from ever ending


How to use this group

Here, share with us your experiences in playing this game, the Dreamer's Tantra.

How do you change each day as you continue to dream yourself awake, love everyone, and not hide?

What pain comes up for you? And what wonders?

You can use this group to find other people to dream awake with, love wildly, and show up to.

You can be your magic, unstoppable, vast self here with us.





Posted on September 6, 2013 and filed under Uncategorized.